By Uzo Ahn ’18
There’s been an onslaught of crazy accusations by the media recently, associating Ted Cruz to the Zodiac Killer. Notoriously active during the 1960s, the self-proclaimed killer by the name of “Zodiac” was directly linked to at least five murders in Northern California in the San Francisco Bay Area. The Zodiac made a series of taunting threats written in the form of cryptogram letters to the local Bay Area Press during his killing sprees, and communication from the Zodiac abruptly stopped after the last one sent in 1974. Victims that survived the Zodiac’s failed murder attempts say they had recognized the sketch of the man above, who claimed to be the suspect. Despite an intensive search with direct evidence originating from the killer, the suspect was never found, and no one was arrested for the five committed murders. The Zodiac murders of 1960 were left as an open case.
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“I LIKE KILLING PEOPLE BECAUSE IT IS SO MUCH FUN IT IS MORE FUN THAN KILLING WILD GAME IN THE FORREST BECAUSE MAN IS THE MOST DANGEROUE ANAMAL OF ALL TO KILL SOMETHING GIVES ME THE MOST THRILLING EXPERENCE IT IS EVEN BETTER THAN (Removed) THE BEST PART OF IT IS THAE WHEN I DIE I WILL BE REBORN IN PARADICE AND THEI HAVE KILLED WILL BECOME MY SLAVES I WILL NOT GIVE YOU MY NAME BECAUSE YOU WILL TRY TO SLOI DOWN OR ATOP MY COLLECTIOG OF SLAVES FOR MY AFTERLIFE EBEORIETEMETHHPITI”
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— The direct quote decoded from the Zodiac’s 408-symbol cryptogram. The final 18 letters have not been determined. Editor’s note: The removed part was deemed too inappropriate to publish. Sorry Uzo.
The comparison first started with a tweet that, for the first time on the Internet, put Ted Cruz’s name in the same sentence as the Zodiac Killer’s. The rest can only be explained from the anatomy of a meme gone rogue. According to liable sources from TMZ and The Onion, a recent poll revealed that 38% of Floridian voters believed that Ted Cruz was the Zodiac Killer disguised. It’s no doubt that the trend has caught on since its first exposure in 2013, and will continue as long as Cruz is eligible to run for president. He’s never denied it, and the theory is interesting; but we might need to look further into the details of Mr. Cruz and his backstory.
Cruz was born in December of 1970, in the city of Calgary in Alberta, Canada. Strictly speaking, he could not have committed the murders that happened in 1968 and 1969. New theories have risen, questioning both the falsity of Cruz’s birth certificate and his life background. Many are demanding that he release his true credentials to the public, just as Donald Trump had passionately pursued the credentials of Obama. Being born in Canada, Cruz somehow escapes the accusations yet again. As some have pointed out, the Zodiac murders were committed in Northern California. In 1974, Teddy moved to Texas, which is even further.
Bizarre, inexplicable similarities between fellow Ted and the Zodiac often surface on the Internet. Below are a few.
Ted Cruz fits the killer profile. His colleagues in the GOP Presidential Caucus are not particularly fond of him. He’s a loner on social media, antagonized by people that have nothing better to do than to claim he is the Zodiac. Who knows, maybe he also kills for pleasure? It’s pretty difficult to say.