The University School Weight Room, a place where otherwise ordinary students transform from frail little boys to real gladiators. Led by Father Dominic DiFranco, muscles are methodically, yet aggressively shredded up by nearly unbearable weight before being dragged back into the locker room by a young man with his mind set on athletic excellence. On leg days, victims of Coach Dom can often be found hauling their bodies out of the weight room with their arms, dragging their swollen and abused lower extremities behind them. They have tears in their eyes but pride in their hearts. On arm days, these same victims can be found furiously typing essays with their toes and doing most anything to focus on something other than their maimed guns.

Of course, there is no better narrator for the endeavor that is a trip to the weight room than I, due to my unusual propensity for bettering my body and my unmatched drive. Not a single day has passed following freshman year during which I passed on the opportunity to become large (fact). I was also most definitely NOT threatened by older teammates with physical abuse for missing every single lacrosse workout freshman and sophomore year. As fascinating as my inhuman human motor is, there is a more pressing topic at hand. The amount of driven student-athletes attending after-school lifting sessions is astoundingly low and seems to be decreasing. As a result, US’s athletic programs are on the decline as well. Far too often, seasons are ended early by other schools with students sporting thick quads and superior dedication. In the words of my own father, Harry G. Curley: “Dude, please just go to lifts.” That wasn’t directed towards me, of course, but everyone can embrace the greater point. By skipping workouts, students are letting down their coaches and teammates, who are working tirelessly to ensure their seasons end with joy and excitement. Is it fair for a man to be held back from his glory because he would rather go home and look at memes or play Xbox? Because he is not Henry Houdini reincarnated when he claims to be burdened by “like 30 tests tomorrow, bro.” Everyone is under the same academic pressure and everyone can spare an hour after school to do their part to work for the team’s common goal. Dudes, please just go to lifts.