By Connor Wells ’17
To start, I would consider myself quite the tech aficionado. Be it Apple, Dell, Microsoft, Asus, or Cuisinart, I credit myself on having the ability to not only find the best product, but to use said product to the fullest of it’s ability. In truth, what can I say? I’m simply gifted. However, in expounding on my abilities to manipulate technology to my every whim, I came across a rather troublesome barrier, that being my very empty bank account. Lacking the funds to purchase more tech to fuel my talents, I turned my superior mind to finding a way to gain more gadgets for fewer dollars. The solution my prodigal self came to was to scour the Internet in order to find the best tech for the lowest price. And me being far smarter than the rest of the world, I obviously succeeded. However, “succeed” is hardly an enthusiastic enough word to describe just how amazing I am. I excelled to the point of writing articles with the soul purpose of describing how amazing I am at this, and hey, if you follow in my holy footsteps, you might save some cash.
A couple weeks ago I had a craving that could not be quelled, a craving for the best speaker, at the best price. A speaker that could hold up to the extreme life I live. This speaker had to be durable, wireless, portable, and have the looks to match my radical self. So my search began. I searched high and low throughout the web, using my intellectual excellence to find exactly what I was looking for. Knowing to only look for the best companies, I searched for deals on Beats by Dre, Skull Candy, and collaborations between the two, but nothing came up that suited the deal I was looking for. So I chose to do something I wouldn’t recommend to anyone who isn’t an extremely experienced web surfer do. I looked beyond BestBuy’s homepage. Delving into the frightening world of third party sellers, I searched for the perfect deal. It took some time, but I eventually found the perfect speaker for the perfect price. The “Fashion Outdoor Portable Waterproof Stereo Wireless Bluetooth 4.0 Speaker Subwoofer Speaker Portable Wireless speaker Sound stereo 10 Hours Play time, Ultra Bass Subwoofer with Built in Mic/3600mAh Power Bank/NFC Function/Handsfree for calls,” speaker is by far the best on the market and available for the low price of $36 (93% off the original price of $553). This speaker can not only hold its own against other more expensive speakers that dwarf the “Fashion Outdoor Portable Waterproof Stereo Wireless Bluetooth 4.0 Speaker Subwoofer Speaker Portable Wireless speaker Sound stereo 10 Hours Play time, Ultra Bass Subwoofer with Built in Mic/3600mAh Power Bank/NFC Function/Handsfree for calls” in price, but also in size. For with the plethora of features this little monster brings to the table, it simply can’t be stopped. Featuring a protective, convenient, and fashionable exterior, this speaker is sure to knock your friends off their feet, but also survive a fall if it gets knocked from your hands. The benefits hardly stop at the exterior though, for contained within this technological treasure trove are even more features to be found. This speaker is wireless, contains a built in microphone, a 3,600 mAh battery, an “Ultra Bass Subwoofer” (whatever that might be), and, to top it all off, all the inner workings are protected by an interior waterproof sealing (don’t actually get this near water as the description states as it can’t withstand anything beyond a light mist). Finally, if this exuberant description hasn’t convinced you to toss your wallet at your computer screen, then the beautiful product adverts will surely do the trick.
Not only does this extremely accurate advertisement show us the lovely design of the speaker, but it also showcases the fantastic party atmosphere that it’s sure to help you achieve.
The next advertisement we see demonstrates the quieter and more confided nature this speaker can conform to. Whether your travels take you on long roads, through time, or into spiritual sublimation? This speaker is bound to relax you during all journeys you may embark on.
The final advert we see proves just how versatile this speaker can be. For in this picture, the “Fashion Outdoor Portable Waterproof Stereo Wireless Bluetooth 4.0 Speaker Subwoofer Speaker Portable Wireless speaker Sound stereo 10 Hours Play time, Ultra Bass Subwoofer with Built in Mic/3600mAh Power Bank/NFC Function/Handsfree for calls” has transcended being but a simple speaker, and has taken on the function of a gear shifter. This demonstration of pure unadulterated adaptability represents what this speaker is about, bringing humanity to the future.
I think I have made it quite clear that this is indeed the best speaker the Internet has to offer and I would give it a confident ten out of ten.
https://www.wish.com/geek/m/c/55a3813bac3cda478eee7244
